As we enter a new year, it is relatively easy to tap into a positive outlook and fuel dreams and goals with hope and excitement for doing something new. But when life drops change on you, positive vibes may seem out of reach.
It is easier to embrace change that we created or envisioned rather than accept changes that happen to us. It can feel destabilizing and disorienting, and may be accompanied by sadness or grief for what we have lost. For those who have lived life according to plan, unbidden change can feel like failure.
The urge to “action” our way back to a more controlled version of life may be at odds with the need for patience. Sometimes we just need to let some time pass.
Oh, I know this sounds like terrible advice. I don’t like it either. But I learned the hard way, that some changes require more patience than action.
Before I started coaching, I worked as a Professional Development Director for a regional law firm. A year into my role and just as I was unrolling a departmental plan, I was laid off. It felt like flying down a playground slide and landing hard on the ground. It took awhile to get my bearings. But seven months later I started a coaching practice that I’ve enjoyed for the last 8 years. I’m not sure it would have happened if not for that lay off.
More recently, 2024 came on the heels of several years of transition and incredibly busy schedules as my kids navigated junior and senior years of high school and college, then started college and grad school. We added a wonderful exchange student to our family who visits us during his college breaks. Just when it was time to rest and re-orient, last Fall brought illness, emotional and financial set backs, increased needs of aging and ill parents, and caring for and then saying goodbye our aging family dog Cooper in December. There many things I’d like to do to “manage” the changes in my life, but at least some of them just need to be experienced.
If everything has changed, what should we do?
First, accept that change happened. This does not mean you like it. It means you are not trying to control it, and instead simply accept the reality that things have changed. For example, when my twins returned to college for their sophomore year this fall, signed a year-round lease and moved most of their belongings into their rental house, this was a new reality for our family. Now the kids are deeply engaged in their own lives, communicate with us less and we spend less time together. Our family and household have changed. I feel a bit adrift but recognize that this transition will take time to unfold in my life. I’m not denying or fighting it by intruding or making demands on the kids and their lives.
Second, sit with it. Before taking action during transition, be patient. See what this new reality brings in the way of opportunity and challenge. Notice and experience feelings that arise: maybe there is sadness, grief, or fear. Acknowledge these feelings and offer yourself some compassion as you process them and manage the changes that preceded them.
Third, practice self-care. While you are being patient and experiencing this time of transition, be very good to yourself. Engage in activities that support your physical and mental health including rest, exercise, eating a healthy diet and social connection. Do one thing every day that feels good. Tell at least one person what happened and how it is affecting you. Consider finding a coach, therapist or other support during this time.
Wash, rinse, repeat. As you practice patience and self-care attend to what’s important and let time pass. Make progress on smaller manageable goals for now. You’ll know when its time to make bigger decisions and plans.
Change happens, even for those of us who work hard to plan and control our lives. We can choose a more peaceful and productive path by managing ourselves with awareness, patience and self-care. Before we know it, we will be engaged with our new reality and plan for the future with a hopeful heart.
If you are navigating changes this new year, consider coaching to provide support through your transition. Coaching provides a process to discern and set new intentions, and accountability to implement new habits and practices. Coaching helps clients find more resilience, new paths forward and embrace opportunities that come with change. I offer free 30 minute Coaching Consultations followed by a custom Coaching Proposal tailored to meet your needs. To learn more or schedule a consultation, call or text me at 503-734-7232 or heather@tcbcoaching.com
Photo by Javier Allegue Barros on Unsplash
